Right in the feels!

At the start of the year I decided to branch out and look for a new LARP. I’d been away from the scene for a year and a half or so – but I’d also lost a lot of people I thought were friends.

I’m socially awkward, afraid of new situations and people, nervous about, well, just about any social interaction – I find ordering in a restaurant, shop or simply buying tickets at a booth really hard work.

Which is weird, because I role-play confident, usually rich or sycophantic, often religious or scientific – and commonly either outspoken or extremely paranoid. I guess that playing a character allows me to open up and say and do things I normally can’t – it’s like if it happens to my character, it’s not happening to me.

Many LARPers experience this kind of dissonance. As their character they’re able explore personalities, traits and social situations they wouldn’t otherwise. I think it’s one of the most wonderful and profound things about LARP – it often creates a greater kind of empathy with situations in real-life that we wouldn’t otherwise understand, and even in heavy-combat games, makes us more aware of our own reality.

I can exactly see why LARPers seem a weird bunch – or slightly insane – in this regard. We often disassociate ourselves from our characters. Though a character’s personality is often based on our own to degree – overly emphasising personality characteristics or projecting the opposite – it’s common to refer to the character in the third person. This is because what we do ‘as our character’ should not be a reflection on ourselves. We’re not our character, no matter how much we may seem like them.

I think I was quite brave at the start of the year – to approach a new game, and, after being welcomed very warmly – attend a game with no one I knew, completely alien, middle of the unknown in Kent with no way back… I was scared. Wouldn’t you be? I was nervous as hell.

Every LARP has a social aspect, to a degree. I agree, it’s probably not suited for every LARP to have a mechanic for it, but I do feel every LARP should develop the social aspect – and not just because IC brings OOC together (cool story, bro!) but because of exactly those kinds of interactions that develop that we don’t get in real life.

I have played a few LARPs and experienced a mixture of situational role-playing techniques. The greatest disappointment to me was the lack of social depth in a great many of them – from larger scale fest-sized to even small games like Alrune and Dragon Lore. Without the social comment element the game is losing out and is by its very definition, stunted. It’s a halted growth, an ever-larp-tionary dead-end. It might sound unfair – but there it is. I feel really sorry for players in these systems that never get to experience these systems.

I’m glad to say that this is the thing Camarilla Invictus gets right. It’s exactly the social aspect of the game – the open interaction and deliberation too (and, by LARPers being mature! Shock!) – that has brought the players together in very meaningful ways. They’ve got a strong bond between them – and they’re very empathic and inclusive too.

CI gets right what other LARPs I’ve played simply don’t. I’m not going to say it’s no through hard work because I know running a game is a lot harder than it appears (I’ve heard this appearance as being like a duck – calm on the surface, all kinds of motion to stay afloat underneath). But I do believe the approach CI uses – one that I was trying to get going in my LARP I was running years ago – is easily translatable to other games.

I honestly think in other games, either don’t know how to do it; are stuck in a rut; don’t want to explore those avenues because it’s ‘not what the ref team want’; due to lack of compassion for certain types of players (I know there’s a lack of compassion for non-combatants in a lot of the games I played); or simply they don’t care.

Cl does what every game should do. After monstering the mid-year combat-based Linear game for CI, I can happily vouch that CI does it right – the Linear had combat, puzzles, mental interactions, role-playing all in good measure. Why is this important? Because it means it includes everyone – every person has a part to play and the game isn’t dominated by some over others – whereas in the games I’ve played in the past, referees seem to focus on combat, thinking that “hitting stuff is plot” and usually disparaging other interactions. Even my own ref team did this – they could see the ‘puzzle’ aspect for advancing games, but definitely weren’t interested in most other forms of interaction. Non-combatants in these games are left at the borders of the game – it’s happened to me, and certainly happened to the players in my game when I stepped down from actively overseeing the game.

Combat is not plot. Monsters aren’t plot. War is not plot. Just to make the point drive home: politics is not plot. Social scale is not plot. Role-playing is not plot.

 

What’s plot?

 

The interactions between players formed of all of these things. A little of this and that, and the other – and oh! That too! That’s plot.

I’ll take you through the last game, and you can see what I mean.

The game started off in a comparatively relaxing way – swapping rumours (omg! Gossip! Brilliant mechanic!... ahem…). I’d just got round to talking business with a friend when – BANG!- a chair gets knocked over and a long-term Court member has brought claws and fangs to bear on another long-term Court member. There’s proverbial blood all over the place, people are shouting and screaming and I’m running like a bitch to the other end of the hall.

The attacker is hauled in front of the Court’s Council and we wait their verdict. We’re then called to stand witness to his trial. Perhaps he’d done some wrong things in the past, and pissed off the wrong people. But, he’d been a friend to a lot of people too.

The character was executed with everyone watching.

First, I got shivers. I remembered – “this can happen to me too”. I could feel my character shutting everything off, trying to feel no emotion. Inside I’m getting upset, and I’m realising my character is trying to stop himself being scared. Then I shivered again – the atmosphere hit a feel low, and I realise everyone else is feeling much the same thing. My character’s then getting angry – and this is where I’m going to sound mad – and I can feel the heat from it.

We took a breather – I think most of us needed it.

What happened there is called ‘bleed’ – it’s where IC emotion spills over into Real Life. It affects the player and it can cut as sharp as a knife, burn like a fire, or wound like a punch. It’s the most powerful thing any LARP can do, because it reaches inside and pushes all those little buttons you think you’ve locked away.

Partly it’s like watching an emotional film and you feel yourself crying or drawn into it. But, you have to realise you’re in the film, so another part of you is like a participant in it too.

I was a participant in that trail and execution – and it was horrifying.

Most players reacted in a similar way to those suffering grief – some cried, others went quiet; some began to get reasonable and to explain the reasons behind it happening.

Because, in a way, they did. They’d got to know the character, judge his mannerisms and moods. He was, in a very real sense, a friend – and they’d just lost him. I was reacting in a similar way.

It sounds like a bad thing – what with the crying and pain. But it’s not.

The wonderful thing about LARP is that even when this bleed happens, it’s blunted – we know it doesn’t affect us in an absolute direct way, even though it feels like it does.

This kind of thing – is exactly the winning element with any LARP – that, as a tool, LARP can be used to encourage  bonds of friendship, love and trust to grow between players; it can foster new experiences and build personality, character and personal philosophy; it allows formative development of a person’s psychology; it brings the shy like me out of their shells; it shares a common emotion between people that then share an experience together; it builds and encourages development as a person.

In the same way sports bring people together for similar reasons, LARP is a journey within – but it reaches places no sport reaches, for you’re an active part of the tale.

So, that was the game I took part in at the weekend. And leading from that, I’m still shocked that the ‘social’ parts of games are ignored or looked down upon – particularly, as I said, but the ‘combat only’ lot – I’m still shocked that CI is referred to as ‘only a social’ game, often with the attachment ‘so therefore it must be boring’.

Boring?

Fuck no.

That event is too expensive

That event is too expensive

I’m beginning to understand that I need to blog more. I am coming across the fact that people not only respond to what I have to say at times, what I have to say is a different perspective to what most perceive or write about.

First off, I have to say I hate the way ‘influential’ people in LARP – names well known across a variety of LARP platforms – write as if their way is the only way. Not because they necessarily do influence people, but because there is very little to challenge them – challenges are also not responded to often, cited or shared. There seems to be one platform that these well-known to speak from – responses and reviews are constrained to groups on Facebook meaning the majority of responses are well out of public eye.

This invariably leaves many people assuming what is written or said here by these people is the only way. It’s not. It’s far from.

For example, I notice that the forum has been removed from the CP website. Almost like they don’t want people to read what is questioned and responded to there. One wonders what LARP has to hide.

There’s a lot more I have to say about this – from DrowGate to the way such discussions have been moved about many times – to the way I’ve seen acts like DrowGate attempted to be kept out of public eye – to the way large systems respond to their players.

So, it should be no surprise that I hate this article in its approach.

The article is, I agree, correct. What it says is totally right. Players do moan about costs and the organisers do pay out of their own pocket, which isn't really fair.

But that’s not what this article is about. It might be informative – but what it’s saying is “shut up moaning about it” – because it doesn’t address other issues. It doesn’t approach anywhere near the understanding of what players mean when they say “its’ too expensive”.

As much as the term “I’ll pray for you” transfers the discussion from your pain to my faith, this article is just as condescending in its lack of empathy – and shows the total disconnection the writer has with what “common” players perceive during a LARP – in a similar way to MPs having no idea about everyday life for a working class or a person that can’t work for whatever reason.

First, the article uses inflated numbers in the hopes of getting something across. £600-£1,200 for 30 weapons –individual designs not batch? Well, get batch. “Most sites in the UK that I have approached vary between £500 to £1750 for a three day hire” – really??? I’ve previously paid £5 per night per player. At 30 players I paid £750 for 5 nights. “Cost of toilets range from…” Why are you buying toilets? They don’t have them on site? … Wait, how many players are you attempting to demonstrate this for?

Seriously, write one article for 30 players and one for ‘fest’, whatever number you deem to be ‘fest’. Confound the scale, and it confounds issue and muddies the numbers involved too.

The article cites Mythlore charging over £100 a ticket – “and if you have seen any of the photos from those events it’s very easy to see why. The standards of kit are incredible.” One comment even agrees saying that LARP has suffered by making events too cheap! Sorry – but when did LARP become about just costume and how something looks? Use your imagination for heaven’s sake – especially for smaller events - not everything is about kit! Plot first, props second. Snobbery over how a LARP looks is affecting smaller games – players don’t want to attend because it “doesn’t look cool”. One wonders why LARP started at all if it’s just about looks – that’s Cosplay surely? (I know it’s not, but hey, tongue in cheek…)

But the main thing is this. You didn’t understand what a player meant when they said “it’s too expensive”.

CP to me is too expensive. So is Alrune, Empire and LT are too expensive.

I’ll say it again – they’re too expensive for me.

First, you have to understand that different people have different commitments and money issues. LARP needs to start recognising that people sometimes need help and should start looking into alternative means of settling people’s money. Sites like GoCardless, for example, allow people (not companies) to set up Direct Debits with each other. In the modern age the number of people that know how to deal with money are dwindling. Some people need help, and if you’re providing a service you should consider ways to help get that service to them.

Second, I’m not forking out money for nothing in return.

With these games I’m essentially buying “air”. That’s too expensive for something I get for free in my daily life.

To put it another way, many game systems have players that feel left out, let down or ignored. That’s not every player, no – but a portion. This portion spends money to come to any event you run. They are buying from you the service of having a game to play. What they feel like they get is pretty much the end of the first season of LOST – shafted.

I know, I get it. You try to do your best. Not every experiences the same things. Games can be what you make them. Some players do like to sit back and whinge but not do anything about it. Some players get missed out because you have a lot of players.

Tough. Some players will moan, some will leave because they don’t feel like they’re getting anything.

Some will tell you that it’s too expensive. Because, to them, it is.

And that’s why I hate this article. It’s reductionist, dismissive of concerns and divisive in trying to convince you why LARP has to be expensive.

And now I’m going to get a cup of tea and muse about LARPs I know that do very well for £4 for a day event… yum! Cookies!

The Importance of Being Vile

Though I have only recently been to a new LARP for the first time in two years, already the shit comes out of the woodwork.

LARP can have a tendency to bring out the worst in some people, and in general, can be abusive and even downright torturous. I want to explain why in another article, and also in another article why I say this - my particular experiences in specific.

A guy I know goes to a local LARP. He runs his own - this may be what's behind this particular crap, but I suspect that he's not the only one suffering this way and it's just a convenient 'excuse' for certain behaviour (though from my experiences, this is a 'good excuse' for all manner of shit) - but he has been playing at this particular LARP for over a decade.

He said he had a very bad time, and, after the day he went to, would rate the day as less than 0/10 (he'd read one of my previous reviews). That's.... worrisome.... to say the least.

What could give someone such a low opinion of a LARP?

Is it the low safety standards? The poor set up? The crap rules and rulings of the referees?

In actuality, when it comes to LARP, experience is much more like a game of DnD table top - it is the 'experience' itself that is rated. Look at the reason so many LARPS do well even though they have crap rules (Heroquest anyone...?) or a crap setting (Alrune?) or even lack of plot (Curious Pastimes?) - players go to meet friends, catch up, relax, have a holiday as well as play. Experience of a LARP is more-or-less the standard by which it's success and provision is rated by a great number of people.

It's very easy for the experience to become sour and bitter - even with great rules, good rulings, and good safety. I know because it happened to me. The reason experience turns sour is the same reason why I wanted to set up my own LARP in the first place - and the reason my LARP went downhill so quickly.

Corruption

I love that word. Makes it sound more dramatic than it is. Insidious, certainly. Vile, yes. It's a fantasy word that brings to mind sickness, plague and blood magic. In my experience it's most definitely a sickness.

But, as with religion and politics, corruption isn't as dramatic as it is in fantasy books, and it's something much darker and menacing.

Before we go further, I'd like you to do something for me. It'll only take 10 minutes at most.

Look up 'LARP review' on Google. Better yet, do it in a Private window, that way your results won't be filtered by the search engine based on your preferences.

Done?

What did you find? Let me tell you, and you can see what I mean.

No LARP system has a star rating on any site. They don't have feedback forms or review forms on their own sites. You can't find star ratings anywhere, in fact. There are indeed 'reviews', however. They all read like 'I'm going to be coming back to this game' and ratings are skewed high, the review having nothing bad to say and not even being critical or holding any evidence or reasoning.

Here's some reasons why:

•  LARP is an insular society - it's also very bratty, more so than almost any other hobby I know. Piss one person off and you piss of their friends (why? they have nothing to do with it!) and possibly the system (as if that's something to do with them as well?!?). I was worried about my last review simply because I had negative things in my opinion which has caused me to be ostracised from a group before.

There was a high amount of bitching even in my small game. One woman was banned because of it - telling everyone that I "wouldn't allow her to play what she wanted" as if that wasn't fair. First off, what she wanted to play was a highly restricted DPC, and secondly, it was awarded to the creator of said DPC ahead of her. Simple tough luck. But spreading malicious rumours was exactly the method she used to try to get me to give it to her - I even caught her doing it! When I confronted her, I asked her why. Her reply? "I didn't want you to be upset that I had an issue with the game". My game team later banned her, not necessarily because of the rumours, but because of the treatment of our good nature - the assumption she'd created.

I remember I once had an artist/photographer at my LARP. She also attended another LARP at the time. When I saw here work I was amazed; "Would you do some photos/drawings for my game?" I asked. Not entirely for my benefit - I believe LARP should be a creative release and a foundation for building confidence and skills in one's works. She told me that the other game didn't like her doing drawings or photos or their game and that's why she'd never raised it with me before. I could only reply thinking about her, trying to get her realise her potential: "It's such as shame - you're being wasted. You have real talent and it should be used"

That became the start of a major 'fuck you' tantrum. From a 26 year old woman. Jesus, the sniping I heard (from her) behind my back. You see, she'd got upset at the fact I'd 'offended' the game she played and loved. How? What? Huh? Ok, even if I did 'offend' the game why is that her problem?

• I've spoken to many people before about these kinds of experiences. Many times I've heard of people excluded from a group for raising issues, criticising the ref team or similar.

LARP in general, does its best to control these issues. Mostly, it ends up as whining and complaints - mostly also because many see differences in rules or system concepts as 'subjective' and therefore open to interpretation - when in fact, many things (head hits?) can be ruled objectively.

• More than that, few LARPers will actually confront issues within a system. There is a certain amount of fear, I feel, that were one to critique the game that referees would take it personally and ban you, or 'spam' you with attacks or lower your character's abilities. The amount of bitching and behind-the-scenes- badmouthing is breath-taking - an aspect some more long-term LARPers deride as 'yet more whining', but yet must contain a grain of truth otherwise the scale of the bitching wouldn't exist.

It's bullying. Whether from referees or from players, it doesn't matter. It's cruel, it's twisted, it's demeaning and it's just plain wrong. This kind of thing damages mentalities - and no, before you say something, not everyone can 'get over it' or 'man up'. Fuck you for thinking so.

Corruption doesn't stop there. I hear this particularly bad system this guy has a problem with has many layers, so ingrained that players have threatened to leave if the game changes. if this doesn't highlight the amount of bullying that goes on, I don't know what does. You shouldn't have to kowtow to players wishes - or anyone's for that matter. "Do it, because I say so". Um... No.

If you've got an issue, if there's something to say, you should say it.

And you shouldn't be afraid to do so.



Camarilla Invictus - Up Close and Personal Review

I gave Camarilla Invictus a rating of 4 out of 5.

At the start of this year, I said to myself and others that I would start to do more.

The past two years have been reclusive for me. I've stayed away from a lot of people, avoided social interactions and slowly lost old friends - mainly, I suppose because our goals in life are no longer shared. All this, not because I wanted to - but because I felt that's what should happen. I suppose I needed a clean break from the past to start things over - perhaps I needed time to separate myself from those events. Part of me feels that it's because with what happened, I must have done something so bad that I just didn't deserve to be around people. My condition means I think this way - it's taken a long time (over a decade) to come to terms with the fact that I don't need these thoughts - and that they're not mine to have.

I can't choose how I feel. I can choose what I do about it.

So, I've decided to start LARP again (heaven knows why - this is explored in another post).

I was looking around at various LARPs in my area, and LARPs I can actually get to. Needless to say, there aren't a lot that I'd be up for doing, for one reason or another, such as:

• Unfair, unbalanced, bigoted system set-up
• Attitudes of some players (believe me... will also be explored in another post)
• I really don't want to use a calculator...

After asking around a bit, I was invited to Camarilla Invictus. Within a couple of hours I was warmly greeted, was in a conversation with a referee, have an offer of a lift and was invited to the group.

That was quick!

That's a bit different from my experiences so far with LARP, even after a decade - so I thought, why not? Camarilla Invictus is based off White Wolf's first impression of the World of Darkness game Vampire: The Masquerade. It's a gothic-punk, socio-political orientated story-based role-play. That doesn't convey the experience very well I admit, but you'll pick it up from what I have to say.

I was given a lift by a good man called Michael, who was very chatty with me. We talked and swapped stories, which was great because it helped me relax - I don't know how nervous I seemed! When we arrived I had another new experience - players there actually came over, said hello, introduced themselves, gave me some low-down on the game setting and some tips - phew! Around friendly people at last!

We arrived at an old university - the type that its alumni compare to Oxford or Cambridge because of its size, vast green grounds, old Georgian red brick and marble-columned entrance halls with carved oak and stained panel staircases, doors and gargoyles. It was a very good setting for a game of dark Vampire mystery.

I was left to my own devices for a while, but was warmly greeted by those that came through the doors after my host and me. The other players milled around for a while and then a couple of nice ladies came to me and we chatted - it was a nice, no-pressure ease into the group, and they gave me some extra tips and this-is-what-you-know stuff that helped me later with the game story so far. They helped describe my Character Sheets, showing me things like Health and combat works, Fortitude and such - things that, unfortunately, I didn't get from the Wikidot (which serves as the game's website).

After safety checks (nice to see!) and newbie brief (it was a bit brief...) the scene was set and we moved into the banquet hall.

The game itself consisted of walking around the room, chatting to various others. Court is usually a place of comparative safety for those that serve a Prince Vampire, so there was no combat. A ban had also been placed against using Powers at Court, so there was no real 'Calls' being used. So, walking, talking... and that was it. This isn't a bad thing, by any stretch of the imagination, however.

To me, there are two distinct attitudes at LARPs I've encountered - either a LARP is lots of combat or has some combat but little else social-wise. This was entirely different as the game focused on social interaction - something us geeks are notoriously bad at. This, I thought, was exactly right for geeks - gets them out of their shell by being someone else, gets people talking, exploring new ways of communicating - brilliant, love it. It's also a great way to bring people into a game - and partly, exactly what I wanted from my previous game and what I want from my current one. Players could make friends, catch up with friends and if they wanted to talk Out of Character, they just walked to one side.

At points during the event, the players were informed about changes of roles of certain members, a Prince was lost and one temporarily placed. Movements of territory were planned and claims were staked in areas of land. Apart from a menace in the background, most of this didn't really make sense to me. Don't get me wrong, I understood many of the implications of certain things, I'm just not sure why they were considered part of playing or the 'plot'. These elements, whilst they affect players, are not part of the game - they could be decided Downtime.

There was indeed plot to be had - but, I felt it was in a Curious Pastimes kind of way - one that I have found distinctly unfair to players and what eventually was a point of contention in my previous LARP. Perhaps that was just my impression because it was my first game.

On one table there was a picture of a beast made out of faces that Characters would recognise, apparently drawn by a psychic. The players were encouraged to ponder its meaning and it proved a pivotal turning point for decisions later made - I loved that higher ranking Vampires listened and responded to lower ranks, rather than just ignore lower Characters like at other LARPs I've been to.

However, such interaction with the picture was minimal, and 'reading' into the picture by those with psychic means was limited to less than a handful of Characters. Whilst I know that this could be what the players have set-up or decided, I feel referees need to understand that other means need to be put in too so other players have something fair to play with.

I was later informed that the LARP year for Camarilla Invictus was from about mid-year to mid-year when a major-combat event would overturn the plot ready for another year of plot.

Whilst this sounds great, there are a few minor flaws I've encountered with LARP when this is the plan:

• This is The Plan. Therefore, it's almost completely unavoidable and plot is specifically driven to reach such conclusions
• Event 1, start of the new year... and it's not when plot is restarted. Whilst this means little to me, it does mean I started half-way through the year, which seems at odds with the real-world. The start of the year IRL psychologically sets you up for new starts - hence my decision to look around, and apparently the same with some others that joined
• It also means some plots are pushed to one side, or delayed, specifically to reach the goal of separating the talky stuff. Again, I understand the reason for it... I just think there are better ways to do it

In another CP-like way, the plot was established from multiple angles, with various things going on behind the scenes. This might sound like a great idea; it's not as great as you think. Plot this way - if poorly managed, or abused - is set up to screw the players over, simply because if they go after one objective the other bits them in the arse. Players need to focus on simple goals, preferably in a sequence. If plot is radial the above way it needs to be so a group of players can tackle one, then then next (etc) - it could be these groups move from one to another to do it, but each ‘branch’ needs to be sequential.

I've said before that plot needs to be episodic with clear breaks. I've also said before that smaller goals need to clear and easily to meet. The reason for this is to establish a Chain of Success - so that players feel a little triumph each time to spur them on, rather than feeling getting nowhere - after all, there's a reason why games like Candy Crush, Temple Run that that ilk are so popular.

With Camarilla Invictus, from what I've seen, players usually feel they're getting somewhere because they can and often do directly influence the plot.

I just feel that - especially being E1 ('event one') of a year (IRL) - it needed a 'bang'. Granted, this might have seemed problematic to the new players, but I highly doubt it.

I feel there's a lot to be learned from Murder Mystery dinner games, specifically to this kind of game.

Rules-wise - OMG it's sooooooo much better than Mind's Eye! The rules are simpler; Calls are In Character... brilliant! I would say that the rules are still just a little too complicated, and could be made more dynamic, but as a system it works brilliant. I feel the Wikidot needs to clarification and tidying up - possibly summarising certain points.

My biggest concern rules-wise is that, like Mind’s Eye, it’s a direct translation from the tabletop system. It’s much more simple, smooth system, no card-tricks or rock-paper-scissors, but it seems all they’ve done is reduced it to Top Trumps. Players still needed Character sheets and many kept pulling them out of their pocket during play. Table Top conversion to LARP never works out well… maybe in this instance as it’s been going 20 years? Even so, I think the system must run into real difficulties sometimes, and I reckon it can be simplified even more to improve playability.

Would I go again? To be fair, for me, the above points are minor compared to what I've experienced in the past, and the slow game was a great re-introduction to LARP. I thoroughly enjoyed myself and I'm already planning my next Vampire. I think I'd like to see some changes were I to play long-term, however, so the issued aren't entirely closed for me.


Do try it though - you'll love it!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I have to add that I honestly think that the nWoD would actually be a better setting that cWoD for LARP, and especially this group. cWoD is most definitely a 'Gothic-punk' setting in that it is just that - bland, drivel-lead pseudo-goth emo-ness. It's a story system in that you tell a tale... but that's it.

nWoD is, as the White Wolf Wikia describes, much closer to the theme they originally intended. The new setting 'humanises' characters more, gives them more of a direction, aim and personality. By adding beliefs, virtues and vices, nWoD focuses the experience of the game on the individual rather than the group - causing a more 'meaningful' experience for the players. As a games titled 'darkness' this is much better for Vampire players, allowing them to explore their own person horrors and limits.

Don't get me wrong, I have my issues with some of the nWoD stuff (combat and the God Machine stuff... explored in another post) but the newer setting is definitely far more rich and involving.

I really don't understand this cling to the past attitude - you enjoyed cWoD? Great. Good for you.... Times change? Get over it? I dunno... maybe it because most of the RPGers I meet that play cWoD over nWoD haven't actually looked at nWoD - or they have, briefly - or they have but haven't played - or they've played a couple of games... rather than actually giving it a try...

And for the record, I actually think that 1920's (Arkham style?), Victorian or possibly even Regency period would be much better settings to explore... Imagine the potential...

A new year, a new start...

A while ago, I decided that this new year would be different. I decided that, for once, I would get to make the choices to do what I wanted to do. I decided that I would step up a bit more, say 'yes' more and be more positive and outgoing.

 

I have never been an extraverted person. Like many creative types, I've not had the best childhood, had a horrendous time at school, never had a lot of friends. I tend to be more shy that I should be, as I know I also tend to get on easily with people, make friends easily and I'm able to talk to new people and even whole crowds without batting an eye. I'm also very cautious with many people - my depressive side has meant I don't keep many friendships long and I don't suffer fools - which, I suppose, has also made me a little anxious.

 

I wasn't prepared for some of the problems that were shot my way over the last couple of years. I mean, sure, I expected some blow-back, but not the storm of hatred I got - and, apparently, still get.

It was only towards the end of my secondary school life where I began to be more confident. I made friends better and was out and about more. Part of me puts it down to running my own club and getting to make my own decisions, whilst another part says it's to do with getting my black belt in karate and passing the 5,000km swimming challenge and getting my gold life-saver merit, whilst another part says it's because I knew I was leaving the people I went to school with behind to meet an entirely new group at college.

 

 

 

After losing my job around 7 years after college I was brought back to rock bottom, mentally speaking. I decided I needed to do something constructive, as I know it's very easy to get pulled into a slump when you're on benefits.

I'd already had a small LARP game going, so I decided to expand a little - I was honestly turning it into a business, especially as I can make costumes as well.

 

It took me three years to get a new job. I'm not going to blame myself entirely for it - there's many factors involved besides me. I was happily joining onto the Work Scheme, attending training each week, doing over 12 hours of coursework a week in Accounting and applying for over 50 jobs a week, not including 20 cold calls per week. All this along with a least 30 hours of work per week on my LARP. Many people thought I was using LARP as an excuse not to work, or focusing too much on LARP.

• First, I was developing a business scheme, even if it was only small - that's definitely not getting out of work as anyone self-employed working for themselves will tell you.
• Second, people didn't see how much the slump affected me and my depression. I keep it hidden because I don't want to hurt people around me - but also because I've had people I thought were friends turn their back on me because I'm "making up excuses".

 

Needless to say that whilst my LARP was successful in many respects it was also a hindrance in others.

 

I have intended to start anew and rebuild myself - but I'm still finding a whole bunch of roadblocks - some not intended and some created by individuals that don't want to see me grow of progress - despite having nothing to do with their lives anymore, or at all. It's a shame that people have to be like this, but that's why I feel I need to say something.

 

 

Whilst this blog will have some promotional sides, it will also have some developmental sides and explanatory aspects that show my thought processes of developing my game(s) and responses to feedback I've received.

 

It's also a way to get things off my chest, and I'll be telling some home truths that may well shock, offend and upset a number of people. I'm not looking for sympathy, and I'm not trying to defend myself or my actions. I am, however, trying to provide my story and it's up to my readers what they feel from there. But, at least then you'll be better informed.