A while ago, I decided that this new year would be different. I decided that, for once, I would get to make the choices to do what I wanted to do. I decided that I would step up a bit more, say 'yes' more and be more positive and outgoing.
I have never been an extraverted person. Like many creative types, I've not had the best childhood, had a horrendous time at school, never had a lot of friends. I tend to be more shy that I should be, as I know I also tend to get on easily with people, make friends easily and I'm able to talk to new people and even whole crowds without batting an eye. I'm also very cautious with many people - my depressive side has meant I don't keep many friendships long and I don't suffer fools - which, I suppose, has also made me a little anxious.
I wasn't prepared for some of the problems that were shot my way over the last couple of years. I mean, sure, I expected some blow-back, but not the storm of hatred I got - and, apparently, still get.
I have intended to start anew and rebuild myself - but I'm still finding a whole bunch of roadblocks - some not intended and some created by individuals that don't want to see me grow of progress - despite having nothing to do with their lives anymore, or at all. It's a shame that people have to be like this, but that's why I feel I need to say something.
It's also a way to get things off my chest, and I'll be telling some home truths that may well shock, offend and upset a number of people. I'm not looking for sympathy, and I'm not trying to defend myself or my actions. I am, however, trying to provide my story and it's up to my readers what they feel from there. But, at least then you'll be better informed.